she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
