dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
