She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
