The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
