we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
