the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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