So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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