So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I need a burrito and a hug.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
