i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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