I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize