He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
