toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
