Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
