First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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