North Korea, Best Korea!
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
