I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
