STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
