I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
