first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
