I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
