Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
