just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
