We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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