I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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