I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
