So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
