I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
