just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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