I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
