Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
