So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
