I think my vagina is haunted
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
