Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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