sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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