i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
