What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
