well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
the day after is always just damage control
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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