I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We have so much sex to catch up on
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
