he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
