so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
