I didn't shave. On purpose
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
