DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
