he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
