How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
