My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
