Pregnant stripper...not hot.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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