U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
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