Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
