maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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