These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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