Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
